Stripped Bare

The leaves have fallen in great amounts, and with this, the sky has become so much more clear to view. The stripping bear has gleaned sharp clarity. It’s also, obvi, a metaphor.

I’m no stranger to “Dark Nights of the Soul”. When I read the book in my mid 20’s, I had already gone through several, and the book didn’t really land for me. It wasn’t foreign or new or transformational because it was already a deeply reinforced aspect of my life.

Now I see that this isn’t the norm for everyone. That I committed to living a spirit-led life, and that means sacrificing expectations and embracing change. There is so much vulnerability and depth here.

I moved to Brookhaven, Mississippi when I was about 4, from Houston, Texas. My grandmother lived in Brookhaven, and my mom was raised here. We didn’t have much family, but my grandmother gave us a small (rent free) home. A shelter that was foundational for us to be where we are now. Thanks, Yvonne. :)

We started going to church twice weekly. Not just any church, but a southern baptist church. In a small, mostly white, republican town. For the context of this post, I won’t plunge into the politics and racism that was fused unjustly in every-day interactions: we’re here for Spirit.

I was moved by the Spirit early on, and gave my life to Christ when I was probably 9 or 10. Sermons moved me. Hymns moved me. Bible passages moved me. There was a calling and I answered it, dutifully. I pledged to become a missionary and eventually a doctor when I was in my early teens. I began going on mission trips with different churches in the town. Spirit continued to make itself known to me in vibrant ways and through miraculous experiences!

Throughout this journey, I began to question things I was told or would overhear about the teachings of Christ and how his love should be selectively given. It seemed that the interpretation of his Word by leaders in the church were vastly different than mine.

I felt the Spirit of God but how I defined it challenged the way I was told it would be. The love was truly unconditional and endless. It was so warm and confining, yet boundary-less. It was present EVERYWHERE. In the wind. In the land. In the tears. In the breath of strangers. The “good”, the “bad”, and the “ugly”. It was all connected, all love, all lessons. It was also so evident to me. How was that so? Was I wrong in my interpretations of god?

I mostly kept these beliefs and questions close to my heart while pursuing mission work locally and out of state.

The spiritual validation and support from another realm continued to pour in through my young adult life. In high school, I came out as queer. I was deemed unworthy of god’s love and made an outcast by the church members. This angered me greatly and pushed me to separate from the church and religion.

There were many years that went by before I allowed myself to lean back into spirit. Reclaiming this connection trickled in slowly as my intuition’s whispers grew louder and louder. I read Eckhart Tolle’s book, A New Earth, and it shattered the ceiling of what I was able to experience and perceive. There was so much space and grace for the present! I was able to listen from such a deeper place. That was 12 years ago. It took years of being humbled by Spirit before I was able to trust blindly, with deep faith, that answering the call of a Spirit-led life often means not knowing what anything more than the next step is.

The knowing for me is more of a feeling and a knowing. It is said that many generations of my maternal lineage possessed this knowing, too. There is comfort in this connection and unbreakable bond. After the passing of my grandmother in 2018, things got sent to a new level, and I was shown that this is frequently the path for us.

When we lose someone from one generation back, often a female, our spiritual gifts and intuition grow into a new level. Because our connection to the person is close in this physical realm, if only by blood or family ties (adoption, etc.), that direct connection is translated into a direct connection to the spirit side, the others, the unseen.

How often are we given clarity when we are children about our mission in life? Only to have it skewed by how the adults around us determine that that purpose should play out?

What if you were able to follow your dreams without outside influence?
What if you were supported, and trusted to live your purpose, with confidence to figure it out on your own - even if that meant going through periods of withdrawal, isolation, uncertainty, and grief?

I invite you to take a look at what you’re dreaming about right now. Pay close attention.

What is the song that is lulling you to sleep or stirring you awake in the early hours?

What is giving you hope? Inspiration? Comfort?

Not to do anything with it yet, but trusting fully and listening, noticing the details of these nudges from Spirit.

Trust that the next step forward will be presented clearly, exactly when you are meant to move.

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@intothedepths